There’s no place like home. It wasn’t a particularly nice apartment; the paint on the walls was peeling away, the floorboards were loose and some of them rotten even and it had this constant smell of mold and humidity but it was my home and I loved every dusty and dingy part of it. Oh how happy I was to be there again! I sank into my bed and reveled in the smell of fresh sheets.
And the sound of the train, what glorious sound. It had been my friend for all those years; keeping me company late at night, helping me conceal the screams so no one would come knocking and asking me if I was okay. I liked it there, just like that. I liked it dark and I liked it lonely. I gave myself a moment to stare out the window and the passing train and allowed myself to feel truly happy for the first time in a long time. Not pretend happy; not the happy you would tell people so they think you’re okay but the happy that comes from the heart and warms your body like a blanket. This was it, I was home.
After a while my feelings of happiness started to subside and were slowly being replaced by something else; a need, an urge. The only thing I had wanted more than coming home was to see them. And now that I was finally there it was time to see my babies one more time. As I made my way towards the door I wondered if they had missed me, if they had thought about me as much as I had thought about them. Feeling they were there, so close to me was the best feeling in the world. I opened the closet door and pulled the string to turn on the yellow light of that single swinging light bulb but as soon as I did, my happiness was gone. The closet was filled with dresses and skirts and cropped tops… none of that was mine. Why were there girl clothes in my apartment? Where were my things? My own clothes? In the cabinet above were shoe boxes and other ones filled with papers and rubbish. Where were my guns? Where were my ropes and my shovel and my hammer? And then I started to panic. I pushed the clothes away and pushed the panel at the back of the closet to reveal an open empty space.
“No!” I screamed in horror. Where were they? Who had dared take them away? I crawled inside trying to find some residue of them but it didn’t even smell like them anymore. It smelled of plaster and paint; the walls have been scrubbed clean and painted over erasing every trace of my girls. I crawled out and curdled up in a ball on the floor, crying profusely. The loneliness, the anger and the angst all came back to me and I was back to all those years ago, before my girls showed up.
Sydney had been the first. We were together for about three months before she said she was leaving me. But I found a way to make her stay forever; and she did. It was perfect; she would never grow old and I would never be alone again. And then Lenore and Sylvia came along and we were all together and happy. I didn’t care about the smell of rotting flesh so I didn’t try to hide it. Why would I? That was the smell of my beautiful babies. But that’s what gave me away, and that’s what ended it all. When they came for me I hurried up and put them in my secret room; I had kiss them and promised them I would come back for them. And I did, so why were they gone?
My vision was blurry from the tears but even then I could see that there was nothing left of me in that place. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before; the furniture was all wrong. The girl clothes, high heels and panties scattered on the floor by the bed… This was someone else’s place now. The door creaked before it opened and then she walked in. She threw her purse on the couch and went to the fridge; got a beer and sat in the couch turning the TV on. I saw her act like she owned the place, like I wasn’t there. And then I wasn’t sad anymore, I was angry.
I had been taken from my home, torn apart from the women I loved and thrown into a cold cell because they thought what I did was “wrong”. I was beaten and starved and humiliated until they finally strapped me on a chair and fried me until I was dead. Only I wasn’t; I rose from my charred remains and I came back home only to find this bitch had usurped what was and is rightfully mine? Hell no!
I watched her drink and watch TV until midnight, when she finally turned everything off and went to bed. Then, I climbed in it next to her; I didn’t even have to be careful, no matter what I did she didn’t even know I was there. I stared straight into her face and felt her warm breath on my face. They killed me and took away my home and my girls. Did they think that would be the end of me? No, this is still my home and I guess I’m just gonna have to get new girls.